This list brought to you by those fucks in Birmingham, Alabama known widely as The Baud Brothers...


Hey, there's a lot to be said for fucking the dead!

They don't eat much on a date
They don't take all the covers
They take it up the ass and never squeal
Their nipples are always hard
They don't wreck the car
They don't bite during blowjobs
They never bitch about anything
You can change channels all night long without hearing about it
They never have headaches
Your inlaws never come to visit
You can cum on their tits and they don't make faces
They never charge anything
They never drink the last Pepsi
You don't have to clean up after them
They don't need clothes (but you CAN play "dress-up" with them)
They don't talk back...
...and, after awhile, you can clean the maggots out and dry them to add to your oatmeal
They are real quiet, so you can fuck in public places and not be heard.
They don't puke on your front lawn
They can be the designated driver, 'cause they don't drink
They don't sneeze in your food
You don't have to buy them flowers, or dinner either
They stay in any position you put them
They don't have to be inflated
After fucking them 39 times, they don't beg for more!
They never laugh while fucking
And the maggots DO add a flavor to cheese dips too!
They never want to know if you're finished yet
They where any perfume you want
They sit in the corner and don't complain
They never want to use the computer
They can't fuck up the checkbook
They're never on a diet
You can spread their legs REAL far
They never have to get their hair cut
They CAN wear a lot of makeup
You can share them with friends and they won't complain
They don't give a fuck if you cheat on them
You can have as many as you want at one time
They don't mind whips and chains
They can smile all the time
You can shape their tits in different shapes and they stay
They don't choke when you deep throat them
They don't cost much
They never fart while fucking
They don't complain if you spend all night returning mail
They don't bitch when you piss on the toilet seat
They don't bitch when you piss on them..
They never bitch about your cooking
They never have >that time of month<
They don't have to be sweet talked
You can leave them alone in the computer room
The Dogs love to play with them
You can clean them with windex
They don't make those little stains in the crotch of their pantys
They never complain about being dry
They don't listen to fucked up music
They don't have to meet Mom & Dad
You don't have to meet their Mom & Dad
They don't bitch about your clothes being all over the place
They don't bitch when you'd rather fuck a Gerbil
They don't leave the seat UP.
They don't have to use deodorant
They lay quiet in the trunk at the drive-in
They sit and quietly listen to you bitch about work.
You can rub a balloon on their head and stick them to the ceiling
They don't mind sitting in the car while you fuck your girlfriend
They will even accommodate the dog
They are not embarrassed to be nude in public
After a while they match your shrubs
You can rent them out to the medical college for spare cash
You don't have to wrap them in Duct Tape
They won't slobber on your nuts
You can read to them and they won't interrupt with stupid questions
They don't have a favorite TV show
You can't knock them up
They won't wake you at 2 am with some shit about Burglers
You can use them to practice on with your new Daisy BB Gun
They won't fart in the bathtub
You can practice Acupuncture on them
They don't run up the Phone Bill
They don't kick in bed
They fold up nice into a suitcase for easy travel
They never talk back (actually they never talk)
They never need new batteries
They don't pull the covers off you in the middle of the night
They will take the blame for everything
They always smile when you fuck them
They're real good listeners


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