System Description of the MD-80 NAVA-BIRD Navigation System
FARKLE PILOT'S OPERATING HANDBOOK AND FAA APPROVED AIRPLANE FLIGHT MANUAL SUPPLEMENT
The information in this supplement is FED-approved material and must be attached to the Pilot's Operating Handbook and FED Approved Air-plane Flight Manual when the airplane has been modidied by Nava-Bird Navigation System in accordance with Beech-approved data.
The information in this supplement supersedes or adds to the basic Pilot's Operating Handbook and FED Approved Airplane Flight Manual only as set forth below. Users of the manual are advised always to refer to the supplement for possibly superseding information and placarding applicable to operation of the airplane.
Farting is absolutely prohibited.
In the event of gastric pains, open any vent or window.
WEIGHT AND BALANCE
The Nava-Bird Navigation System was developed as an aid to pilot's using light aircraft not equipped with "OMNI" or other expensive electronic systems. There are no elaborate signals to be received, and the efficiency of the unit in no way depends on propagational conditions.
Basically, the unit consists of a bird enclosed within an instrument case; which is installed in the instrument panel. Navigation then becomes a function of the homing instinct (my instincts too, but it doesn't tell me which way to fly) of the bird. The bird utilized is a cross between a clipped-wing pidgeon and a miner's fume detecting canary. It is placed in the instrument case facing forward with the ability to turn a maximum of 15 degrees. A bore sight on the front glass of the instrument case centers on the birds rectum only when the bird is centered. By keeping the bore sight aligned, the airplane is automatically on a heading for the home field of the bird-unit.
Transition to this type of unit is not very difficult since most co- pilot's are accustomed to taking orders from one ass-hole or another. Altitude cariations are taken care of by D.P. (Degree of Pucker). When making instrument landings, the bird is warned to make an immediate pull-up when D.M.P. (Degree of Maximum Pucker) is attained. Prior to attempting another landing, it becomes necessary for the pilot to move knob "A" back and forth several times due to the characteristics of this badly frightened bird.
Since one facet of the birds homing centers around familiar odors, it is recommended the pilot abstain from gas producing foods when anticipating a flight. One such incident ended in the pilot flying into a solid overcast of rock, since the bird was in total state of utter confusion. Keeping the above in mind, and ensuring the bird-unit for the right destination is obtained from Operations, the manufacturer believes the unit will provide many miles of navigation-free travel with little or no maintenance trouble.
HANDLING, SERVICING, AND MAINTENANCE
Free the bird before and after each flight.