Bytebrothers Bash 1998
at the Wichita Riverfest

by Mike Kennedy

We had a great party on Friday (after dinner at Romano's Macaroni Grill, where Heaver stuffed himself with an Eyetralian sausage dinner), had about 12 people in my rather dinky room at the Candlewood (half would inhale, half would exhale, then reverse the procedure; the nitrous and nicotine additives were exhilerating!) On Saturday, Deb, Laura, The Gimp, Heaver & Beaver, and I made the pilgrimmage to Shepler's, where Beaver and I bought several pairs of jeans, and Heaver tried to wedge his cellulite into a pair of 42s. He needed a barrel of bear grease just to get out of them. It was classic. (I have now successfully shrunk enough to comfortably get into 36-waist pants. You should be proud of me.) The Maisels, the Boyds, and The Gimp all painted their fingernails an attractive (and also mildly revolting) shade of green, and Laura applied a temporary tattoo around her pert little innie.

Oh yes. The Heaver had an interesting altercation with a sales drone at a Sunglass Hut at Towne West Mall. Seems he was looking for a pair of cheap polarized sunshades for Sarah. Since he'd purchased a pair at a Sunglass Hut kiosk in a Las Vegas mall a couple of years ago, it seemed to be a good starting point. The saled droid, upon seeing the mass of protoplasm and blubber that is our Heaver, obviously decided that she wasn't going to sell shit to a cracker bastard like him. So, when he inquired, she told him that "she didn't have anything polarized for less than $100." Our Heaver's response, I'm proud to say, was "Bullshit. I bought *these* at a Las Vegas Sunglass Hut a couple years ago for $15." The droid stiffened, examined the cheap shades that Heaver presented to her, handed them back, turned on her heel and walked to the opposite side of the kiosk, terminating the transaction negotiations.

We did a late dinner at Scotch (all of the above listed denizens, plus Amey, Hiser, Dennis Moody, Dave Abel, Jeff Mullett and Susie Toutz (mutual friends of Kerns' Hiser's, and mine). The Roles' weren't there, having access to ringside seats for the pyrotechnics. Kerns continually interrupted dinner making and taking phone calls to and from his house, where one of his hairballs was actively, if not enthusiastically, engaged in the process of assuming room temperature. It was one that he wasn't particularly fond of, but the process was causing some stress for his daughter. The feline lump was successful around 2am. He'll probably bitch when he finds out that the Wichita Animal Shelter charges to cremate little pet corpses...

Afterwards, most of us repaired to Hiser's. All but Heaver & Beaver (who were really shagged out) and The Gimp, who, unsuccessfully trading on his "little lost boy" act, was completely unable to understand explicit directions to Schloss Hiser. Three times--once in person, and twice on my dime (cell phone.) Unfortunately, he also was lost with Deb, who got so turned around by The Gimp's meanderings through east and west Wichita that she had no fucking idea where she was. Gimpo and I had a very loud shouting match at the hotel (once he found West Street and made his way back there) regarding his assholery (which I won), and Deb & Laura showed up at Schloss Hiser some time later (once she got her bearings, she had *no* problems finding the place) on their way to bag Z's at Hogan's, before heading home early on Sunday.

Heaver, Beaver, and I dropped in on Sexy Rexy before we headed out to the hairport on Sunday. Rexy's looking pretty good, but is having some problems right now. He's asked us not to discuss them publicly and, knowing their importance, I won't do that without his permission. Suffice it to say, it's not very good, and it bothers him a very great deal right now. Currently, he's working the marks in Hays, KS, and will be moving on from there, avoiding his creditors and law enforcement officials in his own unique manner.

Kerns and I saw the Maisels off, then headed our own separate ways.

Note to Bradley: Sarah is travelling to Amsterdam some time early in June, for six weeks. On "Frank's" dime, not Heaver's. So you'll have to wait 'til later in the year to enhance your Anti-Child VM collection...


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