Conspiracy Theories...

Springtime rolls around as it always will until nuclear winter, and that familiar, tinny music-box song of the Mr. Softee ice cream truck begins echoing through the neighborhood once again. Children will become excited as the tune rings in their ears, and they will uncontrollably need to run out to the truck to get their treats before it drives off to another block.

Pavlovian, you say.

It may be more than that.

Have you ever noticed that Mr. Softee has no phone numbers? No address? Or that the operators of Mr. Softee trucks are mysteriously oblique? Did you notice Mr. Softee doesn't collect sales tax? Have you ever wondered why?

Mr. Softee is really a covert government-run operation studying mind control and preparing to take control of America's young population.  At a moment's notice, thousands of Mr. Softee ice cream trucks could come rolling down America's streets playing its innocent song. Children will run to the pied piper of ice cream and follow it with blind loyalty into the hands of government automatons, who will enslave America's children into mindless robots working toward the government's cause of pointless self-perpetuation and civil obedience.

Worse still, the profits from the Mr. Softee operation go toward the continued funding and growth of the government mind control research.

Stay tuned, or not...

 


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